Most people, when asked why Paganism appeals to them as a spiritual path would cite as part of the reason the tolerance, compassion and acceptance that they found from others in the community. Generally speaking, this would be a fair statement - most Pagans are like this. Unfortunately, as in all religions, there are some who are not as interested in the spiritual aspects as they are in gaining and keeping power over others.

Unfortunately some Pagan communities contain bullies who are intent on creating rifts between people so that they gain control of the communities they deal with. The most common way these people achieve this is through the spreading of rumours and lies in an effort to drive targeted people out of the community and make those remaining afraid of sharing the same fate if they take a stand against the bully.

Persons who act this way are a great danger to our communities, and not just to individual people. They help to confirm the negative image that mainstream society already has about Paganism, and this is not beneficial in our struggle for religious equality. We need to put our differences aside, stop trying to make ourselves feel superior by bad-mouthing others, and grow up already!

While an incredibly diverse crowd, individual Pagans often have a few things in common: 1) we are usually well educated (or at least well-read) and more aware of history, environmental issues, current events and politics than the average population; 2) most of us are tolerant of differences between people, and able to live and let live; 3) many of us have been emotionally wounded at some point in our lives; and 4) we have almost always left mainstream religions, whether of our own volition or because we felt rejected by them. This wounding and/or religious rejection leaves some of us vulnerable, or at least sensitive to the opinions of others.

Unfortunately it can also make for a predator's paradise because they can choose from plenty of people and be fairly confident that no one in the community will come to their target's aid. It thus becomes easy for bullies to gain control of the situation and the community, able to drive out those who take a stand against them and manipulate whoever is left over. Gradually those left drift away and join other communities or become solitary. This is how Pagan communities fall apart, and also why many so solitary Pagans have e-mailed me, saying that they want nothing to do with others of our kind in case something similar happens again.

I personally have been Pagan since my early teens, but it has been only in the last twelve years that I got involved in the larger community.  I was led to believe that we are an intelligent, tolerant lot (and most of us are). Of course, I was a bit idealistic - we are human beings after all, and we do have individual faults. However, I never expected to see exclusionary practices performed by a group of people who themselves know what it is to sit outside of mainstream society.

Please note - I am not advocating that everyone should be included all of the time - individuals have a perfect right to avoid associating with people they do not like, find abrasive or are just plain weird - some exclusion is necessary and healthy. However, it is NOT okay for people to be excluded from an entire community simply because one person doesn't like them, and has decided that they have no place in the said community - that is not a decision that one individual should be allowed to make.

Being who and what I am, I will not sit by and accept the status quo. If the existence of this website doesn’t help me (and it hasn't much, here where I live), perhaps it can help other people facing similar situations.

What I Found in My Research

When I started having problems with someone in the community I read several books on bullying, went to numerous web sites and posted my own story on web boards trying to get advice, but frankly, there was little help to be had in this situation. I examined material on schoolyard, work-related, and various types of religious bullying. If it was school or work-related there would a lot more options, but bullying in a religious community is more-or-less thought of as a social problem and so considered less important. However, many of the work-related situations in particular do apply to things in the Pagan community, and so do some of the solutions. I therefore started building this website as a resource for people in my position, who are willing to fight back.

Obviously this site is focussed on bullies who operate within the Pagan community, but all bullies are basically the same, and so are the methods of dealing with them. Most of what is written here can be applied to adult bullies elsewhere.

I have spent more than seven years studying this subject, and am now recognized internationally as an authority on religious bullying (not something I ever expected!). Unfortunately bullying in religious communities is almost as common as it is in other parts of society. I have also come to know that what all bullies count on is that the community they deal with will almost never unite against them if they pick us off one by one. 

Bullies, slanderers, narcissists and character assassins all have several things in common, so I will be using the words more-or-less interchangeably.

Have You, or Do You Know Someone in the Pagan Community Who (for no good reason) Has Been:

	regularly subjected to destructive criticism where opinions or suggestions are ridiculed, overruled, shouted down, sneered at, patronised, dismissed or ignored? Yes, we all feel like this sometimes, but I'm talking about feeling like this a lot of the time, and caused by the same specific people
	undermined, especially in front of others, had false concerns raised, or doubts expressed about their knowledge? A false concern is expressing doubt where there are grey areas, in order to make others wonder about the target's truthfulness. For example an individual might know a famous witch or author well and are able to explain their views on various topics, but someone (who does not have any proof to the contrary) claims this is highly unlikely, or worse, calls them a liar
	ostracised by others in the community, or isolated and excluded from what's happening? Do people often "forget" to tell them things that are going on, or invite them to public events? While it is possible that the excluded person did something to offend someone, I'm referring to times when this happens for no obvious reason other than the head bully has taken a dislike to them and pressures others to leave them out of the loop
	singled out and treated differently (for example, everyone else can become emotional in ritual, but when the target does it, it is made fun of)? Contrary to some people's speculations, this is not from personal experience - I think very few people who know me would dare to make fun of me to my face - but it's a common theme from people who have been targeted, and it's wrong to behave this way.
	the target of offensive language, personal remarks, or the subject of unwanted sexual behaviour?  This point does not mean that we cannot swear once in a while - it refers to deliberately trying to offend a specific person, especially after they have shown sensitivity to certain topics. Unwanted sexual behaviour is never acceptable for any reason, and the truth is some people use it as a weapon, either to gain more power or to frighten people out of the Community. It's not the Community's problem unless it's accepted behaviour from one of its members, or people look the other way when they know it is happening, but it does happen in all religions  from time to time and there is no point in trying to deny it.
	experienced taunting and teasing where the intention is to embarrass and humiliate, especially in front of others? This does not refer to the good-natured teasing that we all engage in with our friends, where everyone (including the target) laughs and joins in the fun. This is the type that is done to hurt someone's feelings, embarrass them, expose confidences or otherwise make the target feel uncomfortable. Too many people engage in this kind of teasing, knowing that if their target objects they can say "I was just kidding!" or "Where's your sense of humour?" to wiggle out of culpability and make the person look more foolish to people who don't know the whole story
	either overloaded with the work of the coven or shut out altogether (or given all the menial jobs)? Yes, many covens are closed to newcomers and many have a specific hierarchy -- but what I'm referring to is unfairness in the distribution of work or responsibility because one person has targeted another. There is also the fact that sometimes certain people in a coven are more favoured than others, so they get their degrees and designations far more quickly than those not so well-liked by the High Priest or Priestess even though they may be equal in knowledge and ability.
	had their ideas plagiarized, stolen or copied by the bully, who then presents the ideas as their own? It's very hard to prove that something was your idea after the fact, and bullies are very skilled at making it look as if the person with the original idea is jealous.
	given the silent treatment, or refused communication or eye contact by the bully or those they are in cahoots with? While some may argue that they wish their detractors would shut up, it can be very uncomfortable if an entire group of people suddenly acts as if you are invisible and individuals act as if they are deaf to the sound of your voice. I'm not talking about people not speaking to you because you pissed them off in an identifiable way -- often the reason for this stony silence is a complete mystery to the person being targeted.
	the subject of unfair or nonsense complaints by other members of the community (some of whom may have been persuaded to make up their accusations. Complaints are trivial, often bizarre "He looked at me in a funny way" and often bear strange similarity to each other, suggesting that they have discussed what they will say with the others involved)? Again, for no apparent reason and sometimes out of the blue.
	getting unpleasant or threatening calls or are harassed with intimidating notes or emails with no verbal communication? Yes, you can hang up, throw out the notes and delete the e-mails, but that would be a mistake if you really are being bullied. You may need this information as evidence later - record all incidents carefully and keep all physical evidence
	encouraged to feel guilty, and to believe they’re always the one at fault?
	facing ejection from the coven or community on fabricated charges or flimsy excuses, often using a trivial incident from months or years previously?

If you answered "yes" to five or more of the above questions, you probably are or have been the target of a Pagan bully. If the positive answers apply to someone else, you have to ask yourself what you plan to do about it. 

 

A Note on The Authorship of this Website: I first set up this site in December 2002, and at that time I deliberately chose to be anonymous. This was, in general, a wise decision on my part - a lot of people were deeply resentful that I had exposed their bullying techniques and I have got some very threatening e-mails on occasion. Being anonymous prevented disturbed individuals from tracking me down, possibly keeping me safe from harm. There is, however, a distinct disadvantage to anonymity, and that is that anyone can claim to have written this site. Ironically, I don't mind in the least if someone wants to quote my website - when people ask my permission, I simply ask for a link back to the original - but I do mind very much when I hear of someone else accepting congratulations for my work! I therefore wish to clear up a couple of matters. I am a 40-something Eclectic Pagan woman living in Canada. I am solitary, but not entirely by choice, and I have not, at any time, been part of a formal coven, school or other Wiccan or Pagan organization, nor have I ever been or pretended to be a community leader. While I am currently working on a Pagan-related book, I have not yet been published, other than in magazines. This is as far as I will go towards revealing my identity. For those of you still inclined to take credit for my work, consider this: the hostility (and there is hostility, from many sources) that should be aimed towards me will be pointed directly at you if you connect your name with this site. Do you truly want to take the chance of having some wild-eyed nutbar showing up on your doorstep, or having curses aimed at you, as the author of this work? Well, be my guest! Better you than me! If still in doubt as to who truly controls this site, to ask permission to quote portions, or to consult my opinion on bullying matters, please write to me directly at bully.nemesis@gmail.com. Thank you.

Other Pages Within This Site:

Although perhaps to all appearances complete, this site is very much a work in progress and I will be changing and adding to it for a very long time. Please come back periodically to see what's new.

Gossip & Slander 

	why it is unavoidable, and sometimes acceptable
	why people pass on malicious gossip
	when gossip becomes slander
	the smear campaign of a bully
	a step-by-step explanation of how a bully may attack their targets through the use of gossip
	how to stop the spread of gossip in the community
	how to defuse gossip about yourself

Characteristics of Bullies, including:

	types of bullies
	male and female bullying differences
	cyber bullies and how they operate
	how to recognize narcissist bullies in the Pagan community
	a list of fictional bullies and narcissists

Accomplices of Bullies, including:

	theories about why people would choose to assist a bully
	how to distance yourself from a bully whom might consider you a friend

How They Pick Their Targets, including:

	character traits of targets (not what you might expect!)
	what might trigger a bully to attack
	reasons to fight back - or not

Action to Take including:

	the four basic choices and the benefits and pitfalls of each
	the single most important piece of advice I have for dealing with a bully
	steps to take before you fight back
	how to talk to a bully
	what if it's a "friend" who is attacking you?
	tips for when it comes to time to complain about a bully to others
	tips for community leaders with a bully in their midst

The Role of the Community - a very important page which includes information on:

	how Pagans are allowing bullies in their midst to destroy their communities
	the price of not taking a stand as a community
	why individuals in the community might not want to take a stand against bullying
	how community action can help, and why it is so important to do so
	communal blaming of the victim

False Accusations of bullying can be very distressing, but not unusual. Visit this page to learn about:

	why some people see bullies everywhere they look
	how people can be innocently misidentified as bullies
	how a misunderstanding can escalate into a witch war
	how slander can make an innocent person a social pariah
	how bullies manipulate others into thinking their accusers are doing the bullying

Book of Shadows, including:

	spells to stop gossip and slander
	spells to strengthen your self-confidence
	banishing and binding spells
	reversal spells

Definitions

Links and Recommended Books  -- good websites on:

	bullying
	narcissism
	Pagan forums

Other Pagan's Stories of Bullying

Feedback

	positive comments I've received
	backlash regarding this site

My Story

A brief explanation of how this website came to be.

Speaking Engagements -- I am often available to speak at festivals, conferences, Pagan Pride and open rituals. Please click for more details.

E-Mail Me! Your comments are most welcome and encouraged

Many, many thanks to Zoë for my Logo!

I have obtained free graphics from all over the Internet, and to be honest, I don't always remember where I got things from. I did keep a list of all of the sites I took graphics from, but many of the URLs don't seem to work anymore so I couldn't content check in some cases.

Where possible I have credited where I thought they came from but I may have made many mistakes and omissions. If you see a graphic element that does not acknowledge the right person, please let me know so that I can give credit where it is due. Thank you.

 

 

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