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My Story |
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Part of the reason I began research for this site was because I believed that someone had a vendetta against me. Those of you who have been here before will no doubt wonder where the story is of what happened between myself and a woman I called "Beryl." I have removed it from the site because I think that perhaps both Beryl and I were manipulated into a bit of a witch war. It was plain to everyone Beryl did not like me, and she did appear to alienate people from me (and perhaps she did). She was the obvious person to blame for the strange way people were acting around me, simply because she made no secret of her dislike. I just couldn't understand why she would choose to target me, whom she hardly knew.
When I don't understand something, I do research to learn about it. I read books and searched the Internet and discovered that bullying in Pagan communities seems to be pervasive. I was appalled by this, and decided to do something about it. The result is this website. Since the site launch in December 2002 hundreds of people have written to me and confirmed my worst fears about Paganism -- bullying is almost a way of life in some communities, including the one that I live in. The problem is that much of it is hidden so well that most people don't recognize it for what it is, or is practiced by people with so much power in the community that others are afraid to even mention it. I have no doubt that Beryl dislikes me, and that is okay. She is not the first person to dislike me, and she almost certainly will not be the last. However, I have reason to believe that she was fed false information about me, as I almost certainly was about her as well. I blame myself for not actually sitting down and speaking with her in person, and now it is probably too late. This is my fault, and I accept responsibility for it. Unfortunately I cannot at this time explain further than what I have. It is a very convoluted story, rather Machiavellian in some respects, but suffice it to say that Beryl and I live in a very fractured, even splintered Pagan community. There are at least eight witch wars going on in this city (that I know of), and some Pagans are actively working to keep the bad feelings alive, while pretending to do good works in and for the community. If I were to write the whole truth here today about these people, I would almost certainly be tarred and feathered by their followers, and probably rejected by most of the rest of the community as well. Some free advice - be very wary of anyone who appears to be doing so much good in the community while simultaneously accusing others of trying to tear it down. And if several long-term friends of theirs suddenly stop speaking to such a person, it's probably for a very good reason. It would be wise to listen to both parties before choosing a side - to do otherwise is to risk getting severely burned later. I don't think I was wrong about the vendetta, but I may have misidentified my true enemy. Nameste
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An Addendum: People keep asking if things got better for me after launching this website. The short answer is yes - and no. As a result of my work here I am internationally respected as an authority on bullying, especially in a religious context. I am often in demand as a consultant, speaker and writer. At the same time, not much has changed in my local Pagan community so far as bullying goes. In fact, most of the locals seem quite determined to pretend that it doesn't exist. While other Pagan communities seek out my opinions and services, here where I live offers on my part to do workshops or hold panel discussions are politely but firmly turned down, and if the topic of bullying is brought up (most often by someone else), the subject is abruptly changed. Don't get me wrong - if they don't want me to participate at local Pagan events that's their business. However, I think the leaders in this community believe that if they refuse to acknowledge the subject, then the pervasive bullying that goes on somehow isn't real, and therefore they won't have to take any sort of stand. Consequent to this collective blindness and/or amnesia, nothing much has changed in all these years. In fact, I believe things have got rather worse, because two known bullies in the local Pagan community are slowly but surely worming themselves into positions of power. Many people have left this community in disgust, refusing to be a part of any event that involves these particular individuals. Because of this, attendance at moots, conferences, open rituals and Pagan Pride is way down and the organizers are puzzled as to why. In spite of having been told the reason for this, these community leaders continue to employ the dubious "help" of these people. The organizers remain mystified, because (in their mind) our explanation cannot possibly be correct. I predict that this community will eventually implode due to the bullying and lack of participation, because this is the inevitable effect bullies have on Pagan communities. I know I sound like a Cassandra when I say the following, but it is from years of study and experience, and I do know what I'm taking about: The price of not taking a stand against bullying by a Pagan community is the destruction of that community. in other words, Kakistocracies always fall apart. Think about that the next time you hear reports of bullying, and choose your course wisely.
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